And Then I Thought

A calendar was given to me
With pics of the grandkids 1, 2, 3

I proudly hung it on the wall
To be seen by one and all

I thought I’d write my schedule there
It was meant to be useful that was clear

To maintain its future heirloom status
I changed my mind and left it as is

Then I thought how cute it would be
Seeing memories of when it was given to me

But no, the pics were from birth on up
So one year’s dates just wouldn’t match up

I wondered if I could tear the dates off
I’d just keep the pictures was my next thought

But I worried that the binding would come undone
And the pictures loose would soon be gone

And if they were scattered all over the place
Of the thoughtful gift there would be no trace

Then I thought I would never make a decision
If I calculated every what if with precision

Because at that rate it would stay on the wall
Until all of the grandkids had grown big and tall

They’d laugh when they saw it still hanging there
And suddenly I thought with clarity rare

It didn’t need additions, adjustments or change
Love frozen in time is forever the same

A Skip In Time

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, I couldn’t believe it, 6!  At first I thought it was magic.  Of course the first time I saw him do it I was probably 3 or 4.  Later I was convinced that it was a trick. It had to be, he never failed to do it better than anyone else.  I tried and was a complete flop.  I just couldn’t do it.  The worst part about failing at this particular endeavor was the sound.  People didn’t even have to see you fail. The Ker plunk that seemed to echo off the river banks told the tale.  But when Dad did it, it seemed like everything and everyone went silent.   We watched as it gently tapped the water as if to tease it with its gravity defying flight, until it chose its final diving place.  A simple thing like skipping a stone caused smiles and cheers all around.

As he did with every activity, Dad taught us the proper techniques and how and where to find the smoothest and flattest skipping stones.  I was great at finding the flat stones and realized my true calling was to provide for those who could use them to their fullest potential.  I knew even if I could manage a skip or two, I would never follow in his footsteps so I was content to hear his praise when I found a “good one”.  6 skips wasn’t even his record but the most amazing thing was his consistency.  He had the knack and never failed to impress.

I will never forget the day, long after my father’s passing when I stood alone on the shore of a high mountain lake.  It was a place where I would go when I was sad or lonely or angry and that day was no different.  I was heartbroken and I ran to my sanctuary to figure life out.   All I could think to do as I stood looking out over the beautiful shimmering water, was pick up the first rock I saw and fling it unceremoniously  into the water.  It was one of those overly wound up, and purposely wild armed throws that had no real intended destination.  Well, you guessed it, it slapped the water hard enough to sink but instead it bounced again and again and again.  I have no witnesses to this and I certainly couldn’t claim to know how I did it, but what I do know is that a simple thing like skipping a stone brought a smile to my face again.

Simply Love

Forget the flowers and Candy too
The Hallmark cards with words so true

A Mother yearns for a simple thing
No measure of the joy it brings

To know no matter how far away
Her love still reaches you every day

If the miles keep you apart
Or anger and hurt within your heart

Or guilt and shame keep you away
Remember this on Mother’s Day

There’s one thing you can know for sure
Her heart still beats in time with yours

And if she rests in God’s dear arms
Through your life and love that beat goes on

When All Else Fails, Think Like an Iguana

As a stay at home mom a large percentage of the family's pet care responsibilities ended up on my to-do list.  It didn’t help that we had a menagerie that at one time or another included dogs, parrots, turtles, gerbils, rabbits and well, you get the picture. 

There was one, however, that I just had to draw the line at – the iguana.  Oh, he was cute when we bought him for our son.  Just a few inches long and easy to care for, in fact everyone got a kick out of feeding him and he grew accordingly.  He was gentle with his owner but for some reason when I tried to remove him from the cage to clean it I found myself engaged in a wrestling match.  A 2 1/2 foot Iguana is surprisingly strong.  I knew he was just waiting for his chance to wriggle free and make a run for it, leaving me to blame for his untimely death in the jaws of one of the family dogs.  So I resigned as his part time caretaker and announced to my husband and son that he was their responsibility.

One day as I passed my son’s room I saw the cage door open and no sign of my former wrestling opponent.  I cautiously looked around the room thinking that he was too large to easily conceal himself.  He was nowhere to be found and I was beginning to panic.

I don’t know what always made me think that our bird dog could track any living thing, (blind faith or too many episodes of Lassie), but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I put a leash on him and took him into the room.  He went straight to the empty cage and started sniffing at it; I was excited until he immediately showed the same interest in the garbage can and some dirty socks.  I sent the dog packing and tried to think logically. Where would I go if I was an iguana?  It would have to be somewhere warm; he was a lizard after all. Under the heat lamp in his cage was the warmest spot I could think of and he wasn’t there, so clearly this iguana was illogical. 

Just then my son came home and I frantically tried to explain how I had tried everything to find him.  He just laughed and pulled the bedroom curtain aside.  There he was sunning himself on the windowsill.  I guess there is such a thing as lizard logic.

Breathtaking or How I Learned to Articulate

Kids, dogs and camping gear were once again piled into our Suburban as we set off on another family vacation. We always started out early in the morning so the kids usually slept until we had left the city and suburbs far behind.  For some reason when they woke up the miles and miles of open road did not hold their attention for very long.  They amused themselves for a while trying to get truckers to honk by pulling on imaginary cords as we drove by.  Once they had managed to get a few responses they went on to play games involving the colors or state license plates of passing cars.

Eventually they would get bored with that too, so we always had them pack a small bag for the backseat with books and puzzles or small games.  Things were quiet for a while as they began to pull out their emergency anti boredom items until our 7 year old son complained that he had a headache.  Our first solution was to tell him to close his eyes for a few minutes.  Seconds later he announced that it had not worked.  For some reason the same child who could fall asleep in mid-sentence when tired and who had slept for the first two hours of the trip, was unable to close his eyes for more than 10 seconds at a time. 

When he complained again he said that he was having a hard time reading because of his headache.  I told him that he needed to stop reading for a while because that would probably help.  That seemed to do it because we didn’t hear anymore complaining from the back seat for a while, just what I thought were heavy sighs of boredom.  After the third one I turned around in my seat to check it out, just in time to see that the sigh was really a long exhale.  Then I watched as he filled his lungs, puffed out his cheeks and held his breath.  I asked him what he was doing and after exhaling again he said with a tired whine that he was doing what I told him to do but that it was hard not to breathe.     

The Lights In Her Eyes

 

The anniversaries of two events that changed my life forever happened between November 23^rd and Christmas of the same year.  My daughter was born the day before Thanksgiving and not quite three weeks later my husband, her father, passed away in a tragic accident. 

I don’t really remember much about the 6 or 7 days following the accident except my wonderful family dropping everything to be at my side for the memorial service.  I didn’t want to travel with the baby so my best friend flew out to stay with me and my sisters and Mom returned to celebrate the holiday with their young children.  Christmas Eve night came and went with the presents still wrapped and under the tree. Christmas night promised to be just as uneventful but as we sat in the living room talking, the Christmas tree and window lights suddenly popped on.  They were on a timer and someone else must have been turning them off for me each night because I never even saw them.  My friend jumped up to turn them off but I told her to stop when I saw my daughter smiling and looking at the tree.  The lights reflected in her wondering eyes and just for a moment it was Christmas.

We have come a long way since then and this season always brings with it, the memories, both joyous and sorrowful.   We will be celebrating her birthday on Thanksgiving Day this year and, as always, I will thank God for her and all He has brought us through.


Happy Birthday, My Girl.  May God always give you something to wonder at that will bring a light to your eyes and smile to your face even through the hardest times.

Flying With the Eagles

On a family vacation to Southern Illinois we planned a stop at a Bald Eagle nesting area near the Mississippi river.  We thought it would be a great way to break up the monotony of the drive. From the viewing area we could see the eagles sitting in the tops of the trees and flying high above the water.  They were so far away that you could barely see their white feathered heads.

We crossed the Mississippi to have lunch in Iowa and the kids begged to try to find a way to see the eagles closer, up before we left the area.  I explained that we were not sure if there was a way to get closer and that we still had several hours on the road to get to the campground before dark.  They seemed very disappointed and I thought the whole plan had backfired.

As we headed back across the river, one of the kids yelled and pointed out the window.  Flying alongside the bridge and just above the water was a magnificent Bald Eagle.  Only the two of us sitting on the passenger side could see it and there was nowhere to pull over on the bridge.

Suddenly the eagle rose up effortlessly on a currant of air and began flying directly across from us in full view of everyone in the car.  For a few moments it felt as though we were flying right along with it, until another currant of air carried it up and out of sight.  It was one of the highlights of the whole trip.

As we drove on, I thought about how I had been content to see the eagles from far away, not willing to change our schedule or look for another vantage point.  Those few moments of feeling as though I could fly freely, made me wish that I had been as willing as the kids to put aside my plans and believe God for more.

 

 

The Great Chucker Chase

                Our Game Bird License covered all Game Birds so besides raising several types of quail we also tried raising Chucker partridge.  They were beautiful grey and black birds with red legs.  Larger than the quail, they were more expensive to feed and hard to keep.  When they failed to breed for us we decided to keep them to show at the county fair and named them Romeo and Juliet.

                One day I was carrying a large feeder into the pen and Juliet got out.  Chuckers prefer running to flying when hunted and only fly in short low bursts.  True to form she took off running across the street with the entire family in hot pursuit.  We must have been a sight running around the block with a large fish net.  Finally Juliet took off, clearing a small tree and landing on the roof of a house one block over.  We all just stood there looking up at the roof.  We didn’t know the owners of the house and they didn’t seem to be home so we debated the penalty for climbing on someone’s roof without their permission. 

                My husband suddenly said he had an idea and disappeared down the street towards home.  When he came back he was carrying a double sided cage with Romeo in it.  He set it down on the front lawn with the empty side open and told everyone to be quiet.  Just then the homeowners drove up to see my entire family holding vigil in their front yard.  Needless to say it was a little awkward to explain but they seemed more amused than upset when they saw Juliet on their roof.  We all stood silently and waited.  Unbelievably Romeo started to call and Juliet answered.  She launched herself from the roof straight toward the cage.  She walked right in happy to be near Romeo again and we quickly shut the door behind her.  I will never forget that devoted pair and I don’t think our neighbors will either.

Mine all Mine

While I was waiting to go into the delivery room to give birth to my daughter I shared a room with a teenage mom to be.  She was very young, alone and terrified.  No one had come to see her all day.  When my husband left to get some lunch I finally had a chance to talk to her.  She said her name was Marie but didn’t say anything else about her personal life.  I asked if someone was coming to be with her when the baby was born but she said no.

When my husband returned he said that he had picked up the pictures at the drug store while he was out.  I was very excited because they were from a roll of film that I found in my drawer and I didn’t know how old they were or even where they were taken.  It was a fun surprise to see pictures of my first apartment and my little cat Mina.  My husband asked why I named the cat Mina and I told him that roughly translated from Polish t it meant “mine”.   She was the very first cat that I had owned by myself and she traveled all over the west with me.   I told him that it was nice to have someone to love, even if it was a cat, during a very lonely time in my life.  He laughed and said that he was happy to replace the cat.

Marie and I actually had our daughters at almost the same time, the middle of the night.  We ended up near each other in recovery and between drifting off to sleep and the excitement of first pictures the nurse came around to ask if we had already chosen names. I told her the name that my husband and I had picked out.  When it was Marie’s turn she looked at me and smiled and turned to the nurse and said that her daughter’s name was Mina Marie. 

Peace and Quiet and Other Myths

                It was a terribly emotional morning.  In fact I was shifting emotions like a truck driver shifts gears. Going through pride, fear, joy, sadness, doubt, and finally settling on guilt. I felt guilty because I couldn’t wait for this day to come.  It was my daughters first day of school.  Not just Pre-school or kindergarten but gone all day, 5 days a week 1^st grade.   I know how that sounds but as a single parent it meant that I could now get a full time job and start to focus on myself again.  Then she walked down the sidewalk and into the school doors and I shifted back to sadness once again.

                When I got back home I wandered around the house for a while not knowing what to do first.  There was no-one to watch me and ask a thousand questions about what I was doing, I could watch something besides Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers and eat whatever I wanted for lunch.  I settled on finishing the book that I had been trying to read before I went to bed every night. It was amazing to complete a whole chapter without falling asleep or being interrupted.

                Half way through the second chapter the phone rang.  It was the school nurse.  I was so scared that I could hardly hear what she was saying.  We had only been apart for 1 hour.  My daughter’s fingers had been caught in the bathroom door and I could hear her crying in the background.  Suddenly all I wanted was to keep her home with me.  A few minutes of peace and quiet was not worth the risk of her being without me when she was hurt or afraid.  By the time I got to school she was on the playground running around with a big smile on her face.  My first day of peace and quiet left me exhausted and emotionally confused. A perfect example of what my life as a parent would be like for the next 12 years. 

The Scream

               When my daughter was about six we vacationed in a cabin in the woods of Northern Wisconsin.  I was a single parent at the time so I invited some friends to join me with their two little girls.  We spent the days hiking, fishing and canoeing and the nights in front of the fireplace.

                One day the girls were playing outside at the edge of the woods while we prepared lunch.  My friend’s girls flew through the door the minute we called but just as I turned to look for my daughter there was an ear piercing scream from outside.  All three parents were out the door in seconds.  My daughter was standing near the cabin crying and looking over her shoulder towards the woods.  I hugged her and asked what happened.  She said that there was a big black and white animal in the woods and it growled at her.  We described every animal we could think of that might have been in the area from raccoons to bears to beavers.  She knew what they all looked like and insisted that it wasn’t any of them.  After lunch I talked to my friends and everyone agreed that it must have been a large raccoon.  That night we tried to ease her fears by joking that the she probably scared the raccoon do death with that blood curdling scream.  She laughed with us but as I was putting her to bed she looked at me with desperation and told me firmly that it was not a raccoon.  I couldn’t help but believe her but I didn’t have a clue what she had seen.

When we stopped in a rest area on the way home there was a large map of Wisconsin on the wall with pictures of common trees, flowers and wildlife.  My daughter excitedly told me to look at one of the pictures.  At first I didn’t recognize what it was because I had never seen one in real life.  The picture was of a badger and she confirmed that it was the animal that had growled at her.  We were both relieved and wished our friends could be there to see it.  I was proud of her for standing her ground even when no one seemed to believe her and I never forgot that look in her eyes asking me to stand with her.

Honey We're Home

               When my daughter was about 3 years old she liked to stand on the couch.  She knew that I did not approve so when I walked into the room she would drop to a sitting position.  There was always a telltale bounce so it was hard for me to keep a straight face as she tried to look innocent.        

                One day when I walked in the room she was standing and staring at the wall behind the couch.  When she heard me come in instead of sitting down she quickly turned around to face me with a guilty look on her face.  I told her to sit down and she hesitated and then slowly slid down the back of the couch.  Instantly I knew why, there was a small hole in the wall. She did not have a toy in her hand so I didn’t know how she did it.  When I asked she said that she just touched it.  The hole was about the size of the tip of one of her fingers.  Suddenly, I saw something insect like poke its head out.  I told her to get off the couch and looked for something to cover the hole and keep the intruder out.  All I had was some packing tape and as I put it over the hole I noticed the wall around it was soft to the touch. I turned off the TV and gently put my ear to the wall.  I couldn’t hear anything at first but when I tapped softly on another part of the wall that felt firm I heard the unmistakable sound of buzzing. It was not just a few bees; the whole wall seemed to vibrate with the sound. 

                It turned out that over the years, honey bees has gotten between the walls and created a giant honeycomb.  We usually had the TV or stereo on so we never heard the buzzing.

We move out almost immediately and heard later that the entire wall had to be removed and professional bee keepers called to relocate the hive.  It was the hard way to learn not to stand on the couch but learn it she did.

How Do You Steer This Thing

                The first time I was allowed to visit a friend’s farm my Dad made it clear that I was not to ride or even go near the horses without an adult present.
               The minute I got there we headed toward the barn as though we were on a mission. My friend told me her parents were busy so I had to tell her about my Dad's warning. After a brief discussion we found just enough justification to keep going.  She set a wooden crate down next to a large white horse and told me to get on.  She was up on the other horse within seconds telling me not to worry because my horse would follow hers and we would just walk. Did I mention we were riding bare back? It sounded like a good idea at the time but it was uncomfortable and I was unable to straddle the wide animal enough to stay centered.  We had to go around an old wagon that had grass on one side and a large mud puddle on the other.  My friend walked her horse right through the mud.  I don’t know if it was because my horse was white or if I was afraid it would get stuck like an old sedan but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t much of an argument because as hard as I tugged, begged and leaned my horse just kept on following hers but, unfortunately, I didn’t. 

It was more of a slide than a fall and nothing was broken but I had done enough damage to warrant a trip to the doctor.  There was no contest between the pain in my shoulder and the pain of having to call my dad to pick me up.  They say mothers are psychic.  He never even asked what happened he knew the minute I called.  The obvious physical pain I was in did manage to soften his anger, but I could tell the sympathy ended way before the disappointment.   My friend moved away about a year later and in all that time I never had the nerve to ask my dad to let me visit the farm again.  Some dreams are best left to the imagination at least for the time being.

               

A Friend Forever

                I can’t remember exactly when Monty came to us.  It seemed like he was always just there.  We didn’t name him. Monty was the name on his tag. He was a very soft peach color with big eyes and floppy ears.  Not very big, he was only about 6 inches tall.  Some children have blankets or teddy bears but my daughter had Monty the stuffed rabbit.

                To say that he went everywhere she did would be an understatement.  She hardly ever let go of his ear, even when she was eating.  If she liked you she would hold him out like a scepter allowing you to pet his head.  If she didn’t take to you she would roll him tightly into her arm.  Even people around town knew him by name. The lady at the post office would always ask my daughter how he was.  Because she did, she was granted the rare privilege of holding him herself.

                As my daughter got older she still brought him everywhere but letting go of his ear she would place him strategically within eyesight.  That worked fine until the day she left him 2 hours away at a doctor’s office.  We could not return to pick him up for two whole weeks and that is all we talked about for two weeks.
                One day Monty just disappeared.  We could not find him no matter how many times we retraced our steps.  Desperate, I searched for an identical rabbit to replace him.  It turned out that he was a limited edition and without the aid of the internet in those days I could not find his twin.  I brought home another bunny with stand-up ears and a cute little T-shirt but feared he would be totally rejected.  She welcomed him half-heartedly but soon he became a constant companion.  She even called him Monty 2 and 27 years later he is still in her possession.  I don’t think he ever really replaced Monty in her heart but was accepted as a reminder of their adventures together.

Family Travels or How I Learned To Be More Specific

Family vacations in a Suburban packed with kids, suitcases, camping gear, and dogs were challenging to say the least.   My husband was in charge of the dogs, making the sure the house was secure and fitting everything in the Suburban.  I was in charge of food, and helping everyone pack.

We were trying for an early start on one memorable trip but the kids were sleepy and unenthusiastic. Trying to speed them up I went into each child’s room to make sure they packed everything they needed. I handed them their suitcases and told them to take them out to be loaded into the truck.  They couldn’t wait to get into the Suburban and go back to sleep so they didn't argue.

We were on the road and making record time with kids and dogs asleep for the first few peaceful hours. The normal travel complaints about pit stops, dead batteries in the Gameboy and the classic, "she touched me", began when they woke up and increased the hungrier they got.  I dreaded lunch stops because the strategically placed people and gear somehow always managed to get rearranged in a less efficient manner.  This lunch break proved to be worse than normal as a cry went up from our youngest that his suitcase was not in the truck.  I was about to go and help him find it when the next oldest child announced that hers was not there either.  We all stood staring into the back of the Suburban as every inch was searched, only to find that the suitcases were indeed missing.  There was a strange moment of silence as we all realized we were past the point of no return, then the tears and panic began.

                I pulled lunch from the coolers to help calm everyone and stepped aside with my husband to discuss our options.  The trip budget could not replace everything but we decided to pack up and go to the nearest town to purchase underwear, socks and one outfit per child.  We were praying for a discount store with a clearance sale but were blessed to find a thrift store first and managed to get what we needed for much less than we feared.

                The trip was amazing and the suitcases soon forgotten until we arrived home and found them sitting neatly in the kitchen.  The kids explained that they thought  if they put them there someone else would take them out to the truck.  We chalked it up to sleepy logic and I vowed to give more specific instructions for the next trip.

A Ride To Remember

A family vacation to South Dakota included horseback riding in the Badlands.  We arrived at the barn just in time for the last guided ride. They tried to assign the horses according to skill level but most of my family and the two women campers joining us had never ridden.  We were instructed to keep the horses focused on the one in front of us and to stay on the trail.

                The ride was amazing, through a beautiful canyon with the sun setting over the badlands. Suddenly one of the women lost control of her horse and it galloped off with her screaming and holding on to the saddle horn.  Her friend tried to help and ended up in the same situation.  Our son thought it looked like fun and galloped off across the countryside having the time of his life.  My oldest daughter’s horse decided to take a short cut down the side of a steep ravine.  My husband followed and found himself in an almost rear end collision with her because she fearfully pulled back and stopped in the middle of the descent.  She told me later that she didn’t know horses could go downhill.  Our other daughter’s horse just wandered around in a circle.  The most I could manage was to keep my horse at a dead stop while watching the ensuing chaos. 

                Our guide turned around and scanned the horizon trying to account for all his riders.  He rode up beside me and with a slow cowboy twang said, “I seem to have lost control of my ride”.  I agreed whole heartedly and asked him what he intended to do about it.  He began to walk his horse slowly along the trail back toward the barn.  My daughter’s horses immediately fell in line behind him. My husband and son followed and the two women soon joined us as their horses refused to be left behind. We arrived at the barn with no evidence of what had taken place.  Although, the other wrangler did mention that it must have been hotter than he thought because the horses seemed a little lathered up.